It’s time to play my own game. A game of truth and dare.
There’s only one word that I know is in the definition of burnout. Scared.
I’m not sure if the love I always dreamt of was ever present in any of the relationships I’ve had in my lifetime.
I don’t miss anyone as much as I miss who I once was when I looked in the mirror.
“Yes, I am allowed to pick and choose what I divulge to others. And, as a matter of fact, I’m allowed to change my mind.”
But we aren’t objects or equipment, we are people, so unfortunately we snap and break at times, no matter how much we try to hold it all together.
I’m tired of this vicious internal cycle of unrealistic expectations, ultimate failure, abuse. I have the whole damn society to do that for me, and here I am, doing the work. Typical.
Mind, body, reflection are no longer mine;
Her control becomes stronger with passing time.
I start to think of how I have never let myself actually notice my growth but instead, kind of skipped from point a to point b, closed my eyes for a second and opened them to see a new woman with the same smile staring back at me in the mirror.
She was beautiful and funny. She was cautious, yet spontaneous. She was certainly insecure but so, so brave. She was so many things, all at once.