I have lost a lot of friends in my short twenty three years. I’ve detached myself from a lot of friends in my short twenty three years. I have dragged myself, as well as a lot of friends through the mud in my short twenty three years. I have been toxic. I have had toxic friends. I have been fake. I have had fake friends. Been there, done it all in the friend department.
Up until my twenties, so three years ago, I hadn’t really sat down and thought about the people surrounding me. I hadn’t sat down and understood why certain connections had failed and why some, to my surprise, were now stronger than ever. I have two girl friends in my life that I have been close to for almost ten years. Those are my longest standing girlfriends. I had no idea when I met them that they would be two of the most amazing women I know, or that one day I would choose them, without a doubt, to stand up in front of my family and friends with me on my wedding day.
Oh how cheesy, I know. But wow. I’m getting married toward the end of 2019 and I am in shock over how far I’ve come — specifically in the friend department. There is a continuous stream of love beaming at me on a daily basis from specifically the women in my life. However often we talk — every day, maybe once a week, once a month — the women in my life know I love them and I know they love me. I have never felt so secure and safe with the people in my corner before now. And I can’t wait to stand next to a handful of them on my wedding day. Of course, the “I Do” is the thing I’m most excited about, but I’m also thrilled to have discovered what true friendship is and how amazing it feels to have trust.
I used to be a pretty bitter person, especially right after high school when I was lost and distanced myself from basically all the people I thought were my friends. I was angry, hurt, and in need of understanding what true friendship was. It was during these years I found some amazing people who I am happy to call my best friends now. It was during these years that I strengthened the bonds I did have from high school. I tightened them so much, and I am so thankful I did. Those who matter stay around through literally everything— at least that is how I’ve come to see it— and I’ve come to realize they were the ones who always had my best intentions at heart and had a place for me in their heart, even when I didn’t see it. I’ve come to understand that although it is amazing I have friends from my childhood that I am close to, it is also amazing that some of my closest friends I’ve only known for a few years. Time is not the tell-all for friendship— your connection with the person is.
I have so much love to give and I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am thankful that I am at a place in my life where I am not doubtful that the people I love, love me right back just as deeply and without regret.
I’m not bitter anymore. I’m not sad. I’m not angry. And I am forever thankful for this wild journey I have gone through over the years that has left me many months before my wedding feeling absolutely secure about the friends in my life. I’m thankful for the friends I have lost, the ones I have distanced myself from, and those who have left without any notice. I am most thankful, though, for those friends that have come into my life, helped me thrive, and have cheered me on as I have grown into a woman I am proud to be.