An Open Letter To DJ Khaled

DJ Khaled Photo: Anthony Behar / Sipa / USA Today

An open letter to DJ Khaled,

When you scream, “Another one!” in your song, I didn’t realize that you actually meant, “I’m another one of those misogynists reinforcing sexism!”

But I guess that doesn’t really go with a beat.

Recently I’ve watched countless promos of you serving as a judge on the new season of “The Four: Battle for Stardom”. If you’re being paid to judge performers, I think it’s only fair to judge you for your ignorant statements that resurfaced last month.

In an interview, you said you won’t go down on your wife because “there’s different rules for men, you gotta understand.”

You also said, “A woman should praise the man — the king. If you holding it down for your woman I feel like the woman should praise. And a man should praise the queen. But you know, my way of praising is called, ha-ha, ‘How was dinner?’, ‘You like the house you living in? You like all them clothes you getting?”

Look, I don’t even enjoy a guy going down on me that much, but I sure as hell wouldn’t give a dude any time — with any part of my body — if he had your same approach to sex. And for that matter, your approach to a relationship.  

Let’s do a quick lesson in psychology. Robert J. Sternberg developed the Triangular Theory of Love back in the 1980s. The three corners of that triangle are commitment, intimacy, and passion. Partners need to balance all three to sustain a healthy and happy relationship, according to Sternberg.

Based on your statements, it sounds like you have a skewed approach to passion. When you’re committed to someone and you share intimate details about your life, being passionate — meaning having sex — should mirror the same give and take happening in the other areas of your relationship.

It’s incredibly selfish to assume you deserve a blow job but won’t do the same for a woman you say you love. That means you don’t look at her as an equal, which is proven by you stating you point out she has a nice house and clothing as your “praise.”

You think a happy relationship should consist of one person treating the other as if they owe them? That’s what I’m gathering from those statements.

To me, sex is the ultimate high five in a relationship. Oh, we had a productive conversation about the to-do list? You helped me through a tough time? I like spending my free time with you? Great! Now let’s celebrate by giving each other orgasms.

If you’re not willing to assist your wife in that endeavor, you’re that kid in elementary school who could never quite hit the high five correctly, making the entire interaction weird.  

I hope you also understand your public declaration of being unwilling to reciprocate oral sex reinforces an outdated and dangerous idea that women, in general, are subservient to men.

It’s not a stretch to point out believing women are inferior is why domestic violence and sexual assault are rampant in the United States. Abusers believe they can take whatever they want from women. Your statement about being “the king” reinforces that predatory mentality whether you realize it or not. One of the listeners on the radio show that day may have heard your statements and used them to justify aggressive behavior towards their partner. Maybe they didn’t feel like their partner was adequately “praising” them, as you put it.

Your wife, whom I feel horrible for, brought your son into this world. Her sexual anatomy is literally the reason you’re able to pass on your ignorant genes, but you can’t pleasure her?

I hope she moves on to another one.



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