I’ve been listening to the podcast #ByeFelipe lately, hosted by the founder of the Instagram account @byefelipe which calls out harassment from men on dating apps. Alexandra Tweten and her co-host Eileen Beard open a hilarious dialogue into the perils of dating online and the culture everyone participating has created. Chock full of embarrassing stories and jokes putting shitty men on blast, this is the single gal’s dream podcast series.
During Episode 2, they introduce the idea of writing a completely honest bio for your online dating profile. They read the fluffy and fun dating profiles they currently are using and in contrast, their new and improved, brutally honest profiles they just wrote.
Needless to say, the new profiles were brilliant. (Listen for yourself)
This inspired me to take a stab at what my truth-telling dating bio would entail. Below you’ll find my old dating app profile information and my new, full-frontal version.
OLD “I love good beer, cheap wine and cheese. I like hiking, reading, brunch, mini-trips, adrenaline outings, dancing poorly and movie nights. I believe in strong coffee and a good sense of humor. Wisconsin born and raised.”
NEW “Most people that know me would describe me as upfront and honest, a bit of a sarcastic bitch. So, I figured I’d take a chance and be brutally honest about myself in this bio too. If you’re up for a wild ride… read on.
I’m fiercely independent but I’ve realized recently that it’s not a virtue for me to feel like I don’t need the person I’ve committed to. Truthfully, it’s probably my lack of showing vulnerability to let my boyfriend feel needed that is the main reason my other relationships have failed.
As independent as I am, I am extremely committed to my friendships. I am overly protective of my friends and tend to be scary loyal to them. It’s important for you to respect how much they matter to me if we begin dating. My friends and I also tend to over-drink and embarrass ourselves, not generally worried about what onlookers think. So, if you’re about to judge that scenario you’re going to feel uncomfortable pretty quick with the homies.
My interests include writing, eating until I feel sick, cooking without instructions, day drinking after brunch, finding new local coffee shops, DIY crafting and hiking and camping (I know everyone on here says that but my parents insisted it wasn’t a vacation unless you’re waking up with dawn, gathering firewood and ending the evening with charades). I enjoy working out and lifting weights but absolutely despise long distance running and I’m no Yogi. I love to read, to immerse myself recklessly into the universe of a good story. When people don’t enjoy books, I find them hard to trust and harder to talk to.
Being from the Midwest (Go Pack!), I put a strong emphasis on being kind to strangers and having manners… also, cheese. It took me a long time to get comfortable with my social anxiety and I welcome meeting new people and putting myself in situations outside of my comfort zone. If you’re not up to head to a random event, opening or house party where you don’t know anyone, I’ll probably leave you behind.
My opinions are strong and backed up by knowledge so I rarely shy away from a debate. I would love to meet someone who can take joy in the banter and has his own two cents to throw in. I find it extremely unattractive when people say they are “not political” or think it’s cool not to care. Maybe I care too much when it comes to social justice and political issues but I’d rather be that person than the asshole who only worries about what directly affects them. On that note, although I am open to different opinions, if you’re a staunch republican, it’s safe to say my liberal, feminist values aren’t going to jibe with yours.
What I’m looking for is not a hookup anymore. It’s hard to admit, but I want to date someone, break past the bullshit, and have a blast with someone who is willing to take the risk. I want an equal partner; a shenanigan accomplice.
I find myself pretty funny and would love it if you’d laugh at my jokes, tell me I’m brilliant from time to time and very occasionally rub my feet. In return, I would promise to try and listen to the kind of music you like, plan ridiculous adventures and bring you breakfast in bed some day.
Lastly, if you do choose by some miracle to date me, you’ll hear a lot about my parents. After 25 years of marriage, they’re still hopelessly in love with each other, giving me an ideal example of love and commitment (my blessing and curse). But seriously, I think they are so damn rad. If they don’t like you, it’s a no-brainer for me to call it quits because I’ve already learned the hard way that they’re right about people.
If you anticipate hating to hear “Wait, where’s my phone?” on a daily basis, I’m not the one for you.”