I tend to be a pretty nostalgic person. Nostalgia brings up feelings that make me sick to my stomach sometimes. Lately, I’ve found myself noting the differences between who I’ve come to be in this moment in time and who I was a year ago.
A year ago, I found myself surrounded by people I have no contact with anymore. For the longest time, that blew my mind. These were people I thought would be standing next to me years from now on my wedding day, in bridesmaid’s dresses, wishing me the best as they stood by my side. But I’ve changed. And people grow apart. In all honesty, I’m in such a better place now and although there once was an absence, I find myself no longer wishing for those times. Rather, I’ve come to live in the moment and love myself and those around me now.
I’ve always felt attached to the past, but it’s also been a negative shadow casting down on the good of what is occurring in the now and what lies ahead. I see this attachment as one of my many flaws one that I have made progress in accepting and honestly changing. I’ve made changes to the way I approach the past. I try to focus on the fact that it’s over with, there’s nothing I can do to recreate it—I move forward. Acceptance isn’t always an easy process but this summer I tried my hardest to dive into this process and let myself try to be happy. Putting all my energy onto the “now” and how that could make me happy in truth did make me happier.
I’ve begun to understand, my outlook on the past doesn’t have to be one of anxiety and pain. It can be acceptance and gratefulness for the lessons I have learned and for the life I have built due to what I have gone through and experienced. I truly believe all things happen for a reason and I have been working on practicing this positive mindset rather than holding onto anger and resentment. That’s done me no good. Forward thinking can have positive impacts that last a lifetime.
This year has held so much change for me. Multitudes. But I finally find myself surrounded by people I trust whole-heartedly — no doubt in my mind. These people, some I’ve known for years, many new from this year at school or work, all care about me immensely and make that known. I never have a doubt or insecurity about them all. The stress of worrying about friends ceases to exist when the people that surround you are people you can trust. People who aren’t toxic. I have found people and recognized people who love me for me; problems and all. And I love myself in a way I’ve always wanted to. I’m recognizing my worth and not settling for less.