Dear 30-year-old self,
It won’t be too long before I meet you. 2 ½ years seems to go by much faster now than it used to. Adult life can be both ever changing and completely stagnant, depending on which day you ask me. Today, I’ll pick change.
Mimi, when you started your twenties over 7 years ago, you were a completely different person. You were reckless, a little bit selfish, and in crisis mode. You had been given a rough couple years, and were finally getting fed up with what your life had become. You were starting to grow up, but within the next year you would have to deal with your health issues without insurance. I remember the 2 days you spent in bed, withdrawing from your medication after being refused productive treatment after a 10 hour clinic visit. Coming out the other end of that, life was not easy, but you survived. You keep surviving and changing. And I’m so proud of you for that.
When I talk about change, I want to remind you of something that you say often but may not truly believe: growth is often times not linear. You have experienced so many ups and downs. More than likely, you will continue to. However, that doesn’t mean you’re not growing. You’re getting yourself help, by using mental health resources, eating better, and working out more. You’re working towards steady employment, something you had given up on for a long time.
What I hope you’ve achieved in these next few years is balance. I hope you’ve found a job that you can mostly enjoy. I hope you’ve found ways to manage your mental illness while keeping a busy schedule. I hope you don’t let the depression and anxiety you experience darken your life, painting the walls of your mind and heart black. I wish you light, and lots of new experiences. I want you to push yourself more, and do things that make you uncomfortable. I want you to seek out new relationships. To bungee jump, or maybe even jump out of an airplane. I want you to hike on a path you never thought you could take. I want you to learn how to ride a bike and start rollerblading again. Life is so much grayscale, but I want you to live in technicolor.
Finally, I hope that you’ve started to believe in yourself. You have a strong network of friends and family that know your true potential. Learn that and there is no doubt you will achieve all of your goals.