Why I’m Not Ready To Consider Marriage Any Time Soon


I’ve recently unfollowed a lot of high school classmates on Facebook. I’m tired of rings and babies flooding my news feed. Marriage isn’t on my personal agenda for another ten years or so, and lately I’m not even sure of my thoughts on engagement. I would love to have a long-term monogamous relationship, yes; but a lifelong commitment? Maybe it’s the bitter single-girl in me, but I’m not entirely convinced by that vow of do-or-die. I’m also doubtful that a ring on my finger would stop me from wondering about the one with whom I could never seem to get the timing right. At 23, despite my best efforts, I suddenly feel like the last one standing on Single’s Island; all of my closest friends are coupled up. It seems like everyone around me is rushing to the finish line, and I just can’t understand it.

My longest relationship lasted about two and half years. Not groundbreaking by any means, but long enough to consider engagement. My ex and I certainly agreed that we wanted it. Until I accepted that neither of us would compromise our lifestyles, our wedding was the height of my imagination. Daydreaming at 19, I created a desktop folder titled “wedding stuff” and filled it with bridesmaid invitations, centerpiece ideas, and kitschy guestbook trends. Two years after the break-up I discovered that I’d never deleted it, and browsing through the images made me feel really sentimental. It also made me realize that what I’d anticipated most was the party. I wanted the joyful celebration of family and friends coming together to commemorate the union of two like-minded individuals; I could’ve cared less about our signed piece of paper.

Let me assure you that one of my greatest beliefs is the remarkable endurance of love. I just don’t believe in it legally lasting forever, at least not currently. Perhaps eventually I’ll find someone who will change that perspective, but right now I can hardly manage to make plans with the same guy every weekend, let alone every night for the rest of my life.

I am not the same girl who saved those reception venue images, and I’m not going to be the same woman who potentially co-hosts that reception. If I won’t be the same person forever, why should I expect to be with the same person forever? Besides, what makes one human deserve more of me than anyone else? I think our society puts far too much emphasis onto the concept of marriage. A wedding is one day over the course of a lifetime. Of course it’s momentous, but isn’t every day?

I’m perfectly content with fiercely loving those currently in my life and celebrating all the little details – just because. Not to mention, my early twenties are far too early for me to settle down and commit to being someone’s wife, if I ever decide to at all. Although, I can’t lie… having a fancy ring would be nice. Maybe I’ll just buy one for myself.


Chelsea Spencer: Fashion stylist evolved from a childhood immersed in fine art. Consumed by wanderlust. Usually listening to hip-hop. No, I don’t want a fruity cocktail dammit; I want an IPA.